The Douchebags to Avoid

They say those who can't do, teach. And that's probably why, I , who have not been in many relationships is able to write a Douchbag Guide (needless to say I have met many of the men I will describe in this post) . I have played agony aunt to many a  girlfriend, and know exactly what kind of guy to steer clear off  (that leaves very few to choose from). I may sound like a cynic (which i probably am) but I think it makes me a very clear minded single looking for love. I am a twenty something looking for love, while it seems the rest of my friends are settling down and in love. But please note that I have not mentioned that they are all happy.

After reading this no one will believe that Im a hopeless romantic (I cry at movies and a romance novel junkie). I want it all, the prince charming who loves me and is a chivalrous gentleman to all the women he encounters. But sadly all of us including us women are flawed, our biggest one is that we are narcisstic selfish people. How will we ever be able to be or find the perfect partners  we see in the movies.

Im sure there are great catches out there, the men who are generous and thoughtful, however they are with either douchy women or getting turned down by women, for being exactly what they want. We want the damn challenge that one bad boy we can change who will love us and is a real fixer upper, so we fall for the exact opposite of what we actually want, the beautiful creatures- the following douch-men.

Boy One- The Beautiful Face and or Body-

We are women obsessed with beauty, clothes, makeup, the works. And if we take so much care of what we look like, our partner has to be a reflection of us. Therefore, rejecting the not so great looking maybe flabby fellows. Forgetting that this beauty we are with, is going to be a narcisstic bloke looking into every mirror he passes and working schedules around gym workouts. Oh and not to forget will start raising his eyebrow when their women start putting on weight. Please note an obsession with anything- a love taken too far for a sport, cars or gadgets also apply here.

How to spot one
I'm not saying all beautiful boys are not relationship material, just pay attention to how much importance and time goes into those model-like looks. And if all else takes a backseat to haircut appointments and scheduled gym sessions please don't let the greek-god fool you.

Boy Two- The Charmer

This gifted one with that mischevious grin is almost always a well disguised not-so-great looking man (also include Beautiful Boy here). He may be the absolute opposite of the beauty, but he knows he is charming he will use that smile and wit to sweep you off your feet. He may be the douchiest of them all, he might have an inferiority complex. Which may be characterized in him belittling you, like making well disguised compliments that are actually insults (by virtue of his wit). If he is a charmer combined with Boy One (honey you is in trouble!) , if you are introduced to one please run he is not worth it.


How to spot one
He's the guy that oozes confidence if you are someone he fancies, he will not take time to show his true self to you. Not only will he turn on the charm those smart insult slash compliments won't take long to rear their ugly heads. You are most definately a conquest please don't fall for those grins and comments. I have no idea why but those snarky one-liners seem to appeal to some sick psychological level of ours.

Boy Three- Mama's Boy

I know, I know if he can't respect his own mother how will he respect other women Well there is respect and then there is spineless and not being able do anything unless mommy says so. If he is going to be your man then he is going to be making decisions, I'm all for asking for mom's advice, I mean she is wise and knows way more than we will ever know. But making any and all decisions with her say so is taking it too far. Remember he has to be your man if he wants to be a boy, just leave him where he is, at home.

How to spot one

Texting and getting calls from your mom once or twice a day is ok. But if he is going to get an hourly update call and needs to give a play by play of his whereabouts, a long term relationship is just not going to work. Unless you are ok with always and forever being the woman that comes second. Please note I'm not saying she's not important, I'm just saying not everything needs mama's go ahead.

Boy Four- The Liar

This is obviously a no-brainer we don't want to be lied to, but there will always be that man you meet, who may lie about little or insignificant things. Watch out for this one if he can lie about the little things he will lie about the big things also. I'm super gullible as I'm sure many women who are in love are too, however we have a radar for these things, trust that feeling. If you catch him in a lie enough times stop with giving him his second chances and move on.

How to spot one
As I have said earlier we can sense when we are being lied to, but if we are attracted to or love the guy we choose to ignore the signs. Acknowlege the red flags and don't waste your time with this one.


Boy Five- The Serial Dater/ Cheater

This guy will normally have the characteristics of Boy One. Two and Four. And if you have met him he has probably met you, after a recent breakup of a relationship that has not lasted very long. If you ask a few questions about his past relationships and find out, that there is a pattern of short-terms take it no further. If you meet the guy who is not-so-sure about the girl he is with, he is most probably cheating on this woman and is most probably in a relationship with her. If you meet one who is being 'honest' about being in a relationship. He is an honest cheater that's all, always remember the saying that Rachel's mom (Friends) says, "Once a cheater, always a cheater."

How to spot one
Ask the right questions about his past relationships and trust your gut as I have said for Boy Four. And no matter what, resist the temptation of thinking that you will be the one to change him, sorry to break it to you, but men change for no one but themselves.

Boy Six- The Obsessed Lover

It may be a secret fantasy of ours to be loved by a man who wants and breathes only us. However, a lover such as this one will not only be possesive but will also want to control who you meet and what you do.  No matter how romantic the idea may seem please say bye before this one goes certifiably cray on you.

How to spot one
The moment he wants to know why his call was on wait and why you met that guy, and are you sure you are meeting a girl type question is asked. The earlier you call it off the better, no telling to what level the obsession can be taken, no matter how flattering it may seem. However, a lack of possesiveness may be a cause of concern too, again in the case of this type of boy go with your gut. Discretion is key maybe he just cares,  and doesn't want kill every man that looks at you.

Boy Seven- The Bad Boy

This guy is my favorite kind of douche, we will all want this one and more often than not he will be a combination of the type of boys above. Though there are exceptions to all rules, most of these baddies will not change for you. No matter how much you want to believe in the fantasy. That being said a short term relationship where you don't get too attached is highly recommended.

How to spot one-
He is the rebellious one, who may or may not have a bike and a few tattoos. He is just looking out for a good time and will also tell you that he is, believe him! As I said give this one a whirl but don't fool yourself into thinking that you are the one for him.

All this being said, not all boys are douches, sometimes these a fronts they put on, defense mechanisms if you will. As I have said repeatedly go with your gut and don't ignore the kind-hearted good guys that you 'bro-zone' simply because they are not as challenging as the douches.

Happy Hunting!

In Transition

They say the only thing permanent in life is change. I for one have always hated change, the comfort of the moment has always left me content. I have never felt the need for something new. Recently however, I felt that more than ever, change is necessary. Always being the one who hates confrontation and giving in reaches its saturation point. Although, I will not go into bitch-mode, I will learn to stand up for myself , stop making so many excuses for other people and not be afraid to put myself first.

I have always thought that putting myself first, would make me selfish, but that beats being push over and pushed into some else’s shadow. All of you out there please, please  Shine Bright like Rihanna’s song Diamonds. And it always helps to know who your friends are and who are the ones sucking out all your pretty diamondness.

Your life tends to get comfortable, but change can sneak up on you and take you to places you never thought possible. And being alone with yourself, can teach you things no one else can. If your are still the person, who can’t be the bitch then you don’t have to. It would be wonderful to live life on repeat, where we live in a simpler time, the hardest things now seem like nothing. But that’s how life is, it throws at you only what you can handle at the time. And all we have to do, is not give up, it’s a very wise thing, a very wise friend told me recently. We are way too young to give up but I know of a lot of people who have. I can’t help but feel sorry for them, because even if I tried to help them I wouldn’t know where to begin.

That’s the thing about change, if we look at it straight in the face and take it on, we will overcome it, get comfortable with it, and then life will do something else to kick you in the face.  Point is don’t get depressed, everyone is dealing with the same things. Either on a higher or lower scale than you are. You are not the only one, life is being extra special to. If you are like me, its true everyone else has it harder and they are more screwed up than you are, its just the way it is. Ever felt that you are playing psych major to many. You are, its because you are agreeable, nice and can play referee. Play the role don’t get sucked into the black hole, be who are just don’t lose yourself in the bargain.

Fun versus Babies

I am so frustrated these days maybe it’s the end of the year or the fact I turn 25 next year, I don’t know. But what gets me most is the way people are these days, especially the ones I know, Why doesn’t everyone keep their versions of morality to themselves, I'm all for a healthy dialogue, but screw all this nonsense of everyone is doing it, so you can too(Are we still adolescent?). I'm so done with being so easily persuaded didn’t I mention the 25 part (Jeez! where is my backbone?). I'm not saying that I'm doing things I would not do, I'm talking about people being able to effect change in the way I think.

Your opinion is yours live it and love it don’t tell me that I'm being too orthodox.I have never gone crusading to my fellows about being pro-life I have merely stated my belief, but that’s when everything crumbles, reasons for pro-choice are stated and how my view is wrong, I have never stopped anyone from being pro-choice (To each his own murder for whatever noble cause.), but leave me alone don’t try to sway me, it is so infuriating.

I wish I were born a decade ago maybe, or would it have been the same, the rights and wrongs have been the same, which side predominates differs I guess. Many people may stop being a follower on Twitter or wherever, but this is who I am, I'm not stopping you from being pro-choice I'm telling you to leave me to my choice to life. You lead a happy, successful and fun life, and I will keep hoping, more cute babies are allowed to be born.

Barfi! - A window into everything beautiful

A film directed with absolute perfection by Anurag Basu, the acting, the dialogue or rather the lack of it, the screenplay,. the background score everything was brilliant. Now that we have got that out the way, I want to talk about what the movie did for me or rather what it should for people who watch it. The film helps you understand that people who are physically or mentally challenged  are not to be pitied but rather envied.

Barfi (Ranbir Kapoor) and Jilmil (Priyanka Chopra) see the world in the most unique way, they see everything we 'normal ' people fail to see, the fireflies in bubbles and the lack of the ability to hear the distracting noises of the world. Barfi's muteness and deafness does not hamper his ability to communicate in the most exquisite way- with his entire being. And Jilmil's mental condition allows her to weed out all the relationships that only look to use her or do not know her worth.

Jilmil adores looking at the world through her little clear ball that makes everything topsy-turvy, it gives her great comfort and to her, it is what the world ought to look like.Both her and Barfi do not waste any time trying to fit into norms, once they find each other, what they have is enough, as Shruti Sengupta (Illena D'Cruz) the woman that Barfi falls in love with initially in the film says- Barfi could now take Jilmil wherever he wanted, Shruti was afraid of what her world would be like if she chose him, her mother tells her that his silence would one day silence their love, later Shruti learns that though she has the perfect person on paper in her husband they do not speak to each other anymore.

At one point in the movie Jilmil runs away when she sees Barfi and Shruti together, Shruti now thinks she has  her second chance with Barfi, however he is not over Jilmil he keeps looking for her and then he finally does.

The story though simplistically told speaks volumes of our perceptions of love, life and what we give importance to.Barfi is a silent love story of two specially challenged people, trying to make the normal extraordinary.

Bad boys, Whatcha Gonna Do !!

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What is it about a bad boy that is so damn attractive. The look, the talk and that walk. All women want them not many admit it, I have no qualms saying so they are just absolutely gorgeous. I’m not talking about a violent streak, but that hottie with those wonderfully devilish eyes and those strong arms that will hold me and keep me safe if someone tries anything foolish. That boy who rides fast bikes but will maybe open doors for you, if he thinks you’re the right girl. Sounds too whimsical would you believe me if I said I have met a few.

My all-time fave is Humphery Bogart as Rick Blaine in the film Casablanca. Rick, the cynical owner of Rick’s Café Americain who seems not to care about anyone during many instances in the film he says, "I stick my neck out for nobody.". He belittles his poor lover Yvonne who has nothing but adoration for him. 

Every time Rick light’s a cigarette or says anything no matter how mean, I wish I could kiss him. The first time I watched the movie I could not understand why. He was so obviously horrible or so it seems. But soon we a see glimpses of another Rick under the cool stony façade, we are shown his dislike for the Germans, he also tells-off a criminal Ugarte for charging refugees too much for exit visas.

Then we are transported into a flashback in Paris, when Ilsa a love from Rick’s past comes to the Café with Victor Laslo- who is a sort of celebrity who escaped from a German concentration camp and fights against the Nazis. In the flashback we meet Rick as Richard who is in love with Ilsa, the Nazis are approaching  France and many decide to flee the country.

So Richard proposes to Ilsa and decides they would take the train the next day and leave. Ilsa promises to meet him the next day, she says has some work to do before she leaves, but gives us the sense that she is hiding something. The next day we meet a heart-broken Richard when Sam (who now plays the piano in the Café) says that she wasn’t at her hotel and left a note for him.

So now we understand the reason for our cynical Rick. After this what enfolds is the fact that Rick has a couple of exit visas hidden in Sam’s piano, they were given to him by Ugarte for safe keeping.  Ilsa tries desperately to explain that she was very young when she met Laslo  and was fascinated with his political views and the cause he was fighting for. She soon married him. She thought he was dead when she met Rick in Paris. But when the Germans came she was told that he was alive and that’s why she had to leave. She also tells Rick to give Laslo the visa and that she would stay back with him. Rick agrees and then she tells him "You must do the thinking for both of us”.

Rick does just that he gives both the visas to Victor and tells him that Ilsa said some things which she dint mean the previous night just to secure the visas for them. He then tells Ilsa privately that she has to go because she was what kept Victor going towards his cause.

So she leaves my Rick yet again, but his character has now come full circle from the sweet innocent Richard in Paris, to the cynical Café owner Rick, to our self sacrificing Rick who shows us his hate for the Germans and that though he says, "I stick my neck out for nobody." He has been doing just that through the movie. And is prepared to be left alone for the greater good, not such bad, bad boy after all. That’s the appeal of Rick!

My recent love is the character Damon Salvatore from Vampire Diaries, this one does things to me that are inexplicable whatever the first paragraph that describes, is Damon. He obviously has the look but that talk, every sarcastic word in that devilish tone slaughters me. His love for his brother’s girl is maddening not only to him but also the viewers. Though his brother is good for Elena as they mention in an episode Damon will either make or break her. But the recent season finale shows us, stupid Elena picking Stephen leaving again my poor Damon alone unlike Rick I have a new season to be aired (there’s still hope yet).

Though I have mentioned fictional characters I didn’t say anything about a real life baddie, safe to say I will keep you guessing maybe I have mentioned him somewhere and maybe he is every bit as devilish and divine as the fictional ones.

Call me crazy, but everyone's doing it

Insanity today when defined is only described from a legal point of view- a defence used when someone pleads to being guilty, but only because the accused was not of sound mind (clinically insane).  When speaking of being mad, it is spoken of in a colloquial sense nothing to really say, that you are behaving out of the ordinary. Society these days as in most days decides what the norm is . What seemed ‘mad’ years ago is today normal. No one these days is really mad unless they cause harm to themselves or to those around them.

But what I was contemplating these past few days was what about those of us who really are insane maybe not criminally but maybe functionally. You know the kind where you can be accepted in society because maybe you and one other person or even a group of people ‘understand’ you, they are even like you. Isn’t that what fetishes are, you find someone who is ’into’ the same stuff you are and then there is no turning back. I’m not saying it’s wrong to like what you like, stuff like being sadistic, liking fat chicks, by all means to each his own. But who can really tell us whether what we are doing is normal or not.

So should society not be so accepting of things that seemed impossible to even imagine years ago. Its like today there is no black or white, everywhere you look it’s a new shade of grey. Nobody is saying that we should be a generation of blind, close-minded people to which everything new is deemed unacceptable. Maybe we should at least try to consider the new fad we are following. We are so engrossed and influenced by entertainment that our minds don’t function we have stopped thinking for ourselves. We have become drones, I think that’s the new type of insanity for our days.

Music, movies, sit-coms and the likes have blurred all the lines of morality to such an extent that we have to be spoon-fed our opinions.  Sometimes when we convince people of our ‘ideals’ after the first few lines, we are stumped, how are we supposed to make any arguments when we don’t really know what we are talking about. 

We want fulfil our every whim when the only person on our minds is ourselves, morality is a far away concept, because of the boundaries set by the ‘moral police’, God forbid(excuse my French) we might lose our sense of self! We should just toss out all this religious, holies on their high horse nonsense and live in the now, where whatever insane crap you pull, is self-expression and even if there’s God watching what can He possibly do.

Unmoved

The fear of change is very real to most. We get used to the monotony, the comfort that seeps in and not prepare our minds for something that could shatter us. Life is funny that way we imagine a reality for ourselves get comfortable and think we will be untouched.

But every now and then something may not happen to us directly but to someone close to us.  Sometimes even things that happen to strangers force us to stop in our tracks and realise how finite all this is. And how pointless all our whims and fancies are. We are so lost in the rat race that we fail to see what we are crushing along the way. Bigger houses, bigger cars, more gold, not knowing what the consequence of not caring is.

I’m no saint I love me my luxuries. But often it slaps me in the face,the pointlessness of my wants, the nagging about my trivial woes and how unfair life is to me. I mean I know we are not contestants in a beauty pageant trying to win the judges question and answer round with our” We want world peace speech”. But we as a generation are so desensitised, many of us can watch a show about manual scavenging and still say no but the Dalits are not treated this way anymore they have a reservation of seats at most colleges and get through at marks less than half of what the toppers work so hard for. But what about the rest who still do the same jobs their ancestors did and the cast certificate that promises to safeguard their rights, that just may become a cause of more discrimination.

We live in a world of the ‘I’  we are constantly told of what our needs are and how we are to fulfil these so- called needs. We are so caught up in ourselves we forget to stop and look at the state of others around us, who are deprived of basic needs to fulfil our imagined ones.

If we know someone who has empathy for those around them, they immediately are made fun of. Its seems unheard of that someone can think of anything beyond themselves or those they care for. We would rather watch gore or movies that are really sexually charged than be affected by what happens to others. We are definitely a lost generation nothing else matters to us but our fancy gadgets and gratifying our other needs.

We live in our imagined reality of television, music, gadgets unmoved by the tragedy, of the reality of life.